We often gravitate towards things in relationships not because it’s what we want but because it’s what we’re used to. It’s part of the struggle of maturing and adapting and overcoming our pasts and actually learning how to stand for our empowered selves and who we actually want to be in the present and future. It’s part of learning how to unlearn. What would our personality actually look like if we didn’t have years of defense mechanisms built up that eventually evolved into our actually personality? What would that personality actually attract in people? How would those people make us grow vs just taking care of somebody or simply just being in comfortable, secure relations? If intentions are right and we truly do want to grow we all are on our own evolutionary path and that is perfect in itself. We’re all going through what we need to be going through in regards to our “addictions” to our pasts and to people who are not fully serving us or helping us expand. It’s good even if one is just thinking these thoughts. Keep thinking them in pursuit of learning how to handle this sort of “addiction.” These thoughts shouldn’t be downplayed. It is just as much of an addiction and a mental “substance use disorder” as anything else regarding being chemically addicted to a substance. Love and Heroine have surprisingly similar effects on the body when it comes to how it affects one chemically (hormones vs external substance), with withdrawals, etc. Keep seeking out conversations and help and talking about it. Your old patterns and brain will lead to ease and what it knows. It will continue to try to slay you. It might at times and that’s ok but keep absorbing it, keep starring at it, keep walking with it and questioning it, and learn how to carry it. Don’t try to ignore or fully stamp it out. For one to truly learn and grow from anything, learning how to engage with it is key. There is massive growth in this and it does get easier if the conversation and inquiry and intention continues.
It is not cliche to pinpoint problems on past family members. Conditioning and imprinting as a child is the real deal for future success or future problems. (sorry but mostly problems). It is part of the common human suffering that we all go through. Instead of thinking we need to be unique in our problems or that they aren’t justified unless they are unique, there is power and solace in knowing that you are in fact just a simple animal. A human animal that in fact is acting HUMAN. We are all part of a collective consciousness and pretty much all go through similar things. What is unique? If you truly are motivated to be unique then it can be found in actually coming to terms with your human side and engaging with it and becoming powerful from it. That takes work and insight and thought and being vulnerable. Engage with that vulnerable power and you truly will become unique and vulnerable power is the best, most awesome kind of power there is. Most people will follow you to the ends of the earth if you display that kind of power and you will be in wonderful positions to get what you want.
You know how you have to interact with yourself. You know that being in a successful partnered relationship and a successful career and having good friends relates to your relationship with yourself. Being healthy with yourself stems into everything you do. We often think of ourselves as a scam artist and are fearful that people will see through us. It is often said that in a ten-minute conversation people on average lie about seven times. We maybe think we don’t offer anything unique and people will see through that. How to embellish, how to lie, how to make ourselves look so much better than we are? However, what would it be like if we did think we offered the world something unique? If we did come from a honest place? How would that change things? How would that make us feel? We wouldn’t have to be so concerned with stress, with the worry of being seen through because we would actually be confident in being seen through. So what? See through me. You either like it or you don’t but it really doesn’t matter what is on the other end of that see through game. If you are ok with being seen through most people will admire just that. It’s crazy how complicated we can make it.
It’s hard to keep this up and we will slip up and that’s okay but we must attempt this energy and mindset. It’s all relative and we only have our own perspective. We really don’t get to see how ourselves interacts with the world in the special unique way that we do. It’s hard to contextualize because it’s just “us” and what is so special about that as we are so used and often bored of ourselves. In this sense, it is good to have community that informs you of how they see you. It is important to take in the good and be happy and equally as important to take in the critique and improve upon.
Along with surrounding yourself with an open, honest community, if you do meditation, this is where positive mantras come into use. Just repeating something simple like, “I am love, I am love, I am unique, I am a human, I give myself permission to be human, I offer the world unique love and good energy and positive wellness. I am unique. I am powerful. I am healthy. I am love….” You will be surprised how much that fucking shit works. Retrain your brain to accept in positive stimuli about yourself rather than the negative stimuli that will just come in when we don’t do any wellness work. It’s called negativity bias. We will always focus on what’s not going well or our faults over the 10-100 things we’re awesome at. Our brains are set up for survival in that way from tens of thousands of years of evolution (negative anxiety makes us survive and not get eaten by a lion. Better to assume a lion is there rather than not). Your brain will be a dick to you if you don’t take a mindful approach to making sure it doesn’t do that to you. We no longer have to worry about getting eaten by lions so why let your brain do that to you?