Unattachment in love isn’t about letting go of the person, or of the love itself. It has to do with remaining unattached to any expectations or predetermined end result that many use to judge a successful relationship. It seems that there is a blueprint for relationships that we all are expected to follow. We meet, we kiss, we talk, we have sex, we spend more time together, we say I love you, we meet families, we move in, rings and babies can follow. Are we really in love with someone or are we in love with this chain of events?
This chain of events can easily have more to do with obsessing about following a plan than it has anything to do with love. It is rather a very limited plan at that for what is capable between people in a relationship.
Unattached love is not the easiest form of love. Following a plan is easier and can seem enticing and secure.
Loving in a relationship based in unattachment doesn’t mean that we don’t care what the other person does, or that there is no chance for us to get hurt, but it does mean that we love them enough to simply let the relationship speak for itself rather than use customary titles.
When we can change our expectations, our experiences can change. If we go into a new relationship with someone without any idealized thoughts on what it could become down the road, then we will give ourselves the opportunity for that union to develop organically, instead of forcing it inside the predetermined boundaries we use to define love.
Unattachment in love means that I love you because of the person you are, not because I am expecting you to love me back.
Unattachment in love is purely the ability to love someone freely. Both people are able to come and go at will, without ever feeling like there is an expectation for a specific set of behaviors or timelines. Communication and expression and holding space and intersecting your empowered life with your partner’s empowered life and moving on from there is the foundation of unattachment love.
In order to truly love someone this way we have to first name and sit with our wounds; our fear of abandonment, rejection and whatever else we have been conditioned, since birth, to expect from a relationship. Once we can do this work for ourselves, it doesn’t suddenly end, but rather becomes easier to navigate unattachment. We understand that our feelings don’t have to do with the other person, but with ourselves.
Unattachment simply means that we are choosing to love in a mindful way. We are showing up for one another when we can. For times when we can’t show up, we are each individually happy.
It means respecting the journey of our partner as much as we do our own, knowing that in unattached love we can’t force anything. There is nothing in this world any of us can do to make someone love us, and there’s also nothing we can do to stop someone from falling in love with us either.
When we can approach love as an offering, regardless whether the beloved accepts or reciprocates it, we bask in the essence of what it truly means to care for another, apart from our own needs and wants.
“Our journey is about being more deeply involved in life, and yet less attached to it.”
Above is a summation of the full article which can be viewed at ElephantJournal.com