My body stiffened as I woke up to an astounding presence. The big huff and puff of a bear was at my head with only a single man, bug-mesh covered tent and rain cover between us. How many bears were there? What am I gonna do? Oh my god, I have trail mix in here. What am I gonna do? Do I go outside the tent? Am I really going to face a bear/s in the middle of the night? Then what? What if they aren’t messing with me right now because I’m in the tent? If they do attack me in the tent do I just start flailing my legs all around until I can somehow figure out how to get out of the tent? Is it better to stay in the tent or go outside the tent? It’s the middle of the night? Am I going to be running from bears in the middle of the night outside my tent? I think they will win? I think they will win in whatever situation arises. I am at their mercy.
Trauma response: How do I be as passive as possible and let this pass? I couldn’t move right now if I wanted to. Trauma response. I’m frozen, there’s nothing I can do. I’m in a frozen reptilian brain meditation. All reaction and allowing the universe to do what it will with me is taking place. I don’t see a way out. How did I get here?
Oh my god, they’re on my car. What is that pop? Is my car just the next crazy YouTube bear attack video online? Am I the next random man killed by a bear story that people casually bring up at the grocery store? Funny that we randomly talk about the trauma that people face. Is it funny that I’m talking about it now? Wait, I hear the bear inside my car. It’s bouncing around. Why do I smell gas? Did he puncture my gas tank? Is there gas flowing from my car to my tent? I am slightly downhill from it. Is my car going to be stuck here and not movable? Does Triple A come out here for towing? Will they be able to move a bear attacked, non-working damaged car? Why do I smell gas? Am I going to pass out if I breath too much? Fuck, my car is fucked. Everything I own is in my car. What I going to do? Am I going to have to live in Crestone, Colorado for a month or so before I figure out what to do? I am so overwhelmed by thought and potential disaster I can’t act or move.
I can only keep pushing my car alarm over and over. The outrageous ringing of the alarm in the middle of the forest night gives me some feeling of power, some feeling of cover. I sit there and push it over and over again. It’s the only movement that feels empowering. Maybe the bears are gone. I don’t hear anything. Were there even bears? Was it in my car? My tent is right next to my car. Shouldn’t the bears sound louder? Maybe it was the next campsite over. I will not move from my tent until there is light outside. The light gives me strength. Going out into the black forest void with a large predator isn’t an option. I have bear spray but it is in the car, go figure. I find myself dozing into a trauma sleep, anxiety ridden, lucid dream state.
The horn honks loudly again blasting me back into adrenaline rushed trauma state. Fuck, the bear must be leaning against it. One of about the five waves of this happening from 1 to 5am in the morning. Has the bear been in the car all night? How is he being so quiet? Is he sleeping in my car; the new bear cave? Stupidly I did have food in the car which is what made the bear come in the first place. Later, I found out that having maca powder, turmeric, mushroom powders, sweet potatoes, and some honey were the absolute worst things to have in the car. All root like things that bears can smell and dig for magically in the ground. I guess I eat like a bear. He was probably stoked beyond all good measure that he struck the pot of gold wellness bear eating hippy and would not disturb the human in the tent as humanly (or bear-ly!) as possible. He was feasting on things from faraway lands that he’s only heard stories about from his bear folklore cousins long ago. Smart bear.
It’s finally starting to get light. Now’s my time to make my move. I feel life threateningly insecure of moving around in my tent putting my clothes on. Maybe the bear will find out and pounce! I need to do this. I have to move. The bear is clearly still in my car. It is getting light and having my eyesight is a strength to my human container. I hit the car alarm many times in a row as I move to get ready to unzip my tent. This gives me strength and I feel like I can move without notice in that noise chaos. It’s my only strength to flood the zone with stimulation with a bear who has all too superior senses to that of a human. Ahhh, I need to do this! I feel like I’m walking out into possibly a Roman death match coliseum scenario. Survival hormones are flooding. I take a few deep breaths within the comfort of the chaotic alarm, unzip the tent, and step outside. I look over to my car and see the bear exiting out the window but then have no clue where it went as I can’t see over the car. Is it just sitting or hiding there? Why can’t I see it go in any direction away from the car? I hit the car alarm another time halfway expecting that I may need to use the car or this nearby tree as an obstacle to keep between the bear and myself if it chooses to come after me. All of my athletic, fast twitch muscles are ready to spring into evasive maneuvers at any moment. I walk to one side of the car. I see that the bear just grabbed the top of the frame of my passenger window and pulled and folded it down to the bottom of the door. I walk to the other side of the car and still don’t see him. I go up to the car and start opening the doors and it is an absolute mess of all the foods I mentioned above. A bear’s den of chaos or like a bunch of meth heads had their way in there. Most notably there is maca powder, turmeric, peanut butter, and vegetable puree and bananas squashed and smeared all over everything, not to mention a million little bits of glass from the window popping. I step back from the car and look around again. I see the bear about 100 feet away just sitting and looking at me. He is a brown bear and has the hugest head. He licks his lips and we make eye contact starring absorbingly at each other for some time. He gets up, turns around, and walks calmly away.
MEANING OF BEAR ENERGY FROM SPIRIT ANIMAL and SHAMAN TAROT CARDS
In the kingdom of spirit animals, the bear is emblematic of grounding forces and strength. This animal has been worshiped throughout time as a powerful totem, inspiring those who need it the courage to stand up against adversity. As a spirit animal in touch with the earth and the cycles of nature, it is a powerful guide to support physical and emotional healing.
The bear has several meanings that will inspire those who have this animal as totem. The primary meaning of the bear spirit animal is strength and confidence. Standing against adversity; taking action and leadership. The spirit of the the bear indicates it’s time for healing or using healing abilities to help self or others. The bear medicine emphasizes the importance of solitude, quiet time, rest. The spirit of the bear provides strong grounding forces
The spirit of the bear is a strong source of support in times of difficulty. It provides courage and a stable foundation to face challenges. When the bear shows up as a spirit guide in your life, it’s perhaps time to stand for your beliefs or your truth. This power animal will provide for support and strength.
The bear is also a guide to take leadership in your life or in other people’s lives. This animal is feared and admired for its strength. Its presence inspires respect. Its strength and powerful stature will inspire you to step into a leadership role in your life and take action without fear.
When you invoke the power of the bear totem, reflect on the qualities of inner strength, fearlessness, and confidence in yourself and how you can project them in your world.
Since the bear is often associated with shamans in many traditions, this spirit animal can symbolize healing abilities and stepping into the role of the healer. If the bear shows up in your life, it may also be time to take care of your own needs for healing, whether it’s at the physical, emotional or spiritual level. Be sensitive to where you are at and reflect on where you would most need healing. You can call on the bear spirit guidance to direct your energy in a more conservative or focused way.
The bear is an animal that lives a solitary life. Having a bear as a spirit animal can mean that you find balance and comfort in solitude. The presence of this power animal could point to the need to “regroup” and set up boundaries, so you feel comfortable in your own space. It may be a call to find time away from the crowd or busyness and favor quiet time and rest.
The bear spirit can also be a great helper to dedicate time and energy to more introspective practices, such as self-inquiry or meditation. Call on the spirit of the bear to help you find your center and ground yourself in a strong foundation that will support you in more busy and noisy times.