Other than my skis and snowboard equipment I have everything I own in my car at the moment. Finally, I have my boxes out of the garages of others. I have sifted and filtered through my things over years and now everything that’s not in my car doesn’t hold any space in my life. I’m about to embark out on my first road trip in this state and then live this way for some time as an individual and social experiment of how this all feels for me in comparison to living a settled existence and having ‘things’ within the confines of more traditional intimate relationships in the past. So far, the feeling is fantastic and absolutely energizing. It has taken me years to get to this point as about 5 years ago I had around 5 apartments full of things and had no idea about how to unconditionally give and receive love as well as have physical and energetic boundaries. The feeling is ecstatic and in terms of accomplishments in my life, it is about on top of the list. I have never felt so alive and able to energetically dictate more of when and where my energy goes. I always felt this feeling existed but never truly trusted in myself to go in that direction to experience it. I’m so thankful I kept going and believed in myself to make my dreams and what I intuitively felt existed actually exist.
What I’ve noticed most in this process is the amount of freedom this lifestyle has afforded me. Without a home to pay rent or mortgage on I’ve removed my biggest expense in how much I need to spend time working to support myself. When I stay with friends, it has opened up those resources to be spent supporting friends whether it’s buying groceries, hiring their services, doing something like massage or work trade, house-farm-labor work, or just generally helping them out with whatever they need help with in their lives, etc. Instead of spending time dedicatded to a job, it’s as if I’m investing some of that time and energy into the special people and relationships in my life. I’m able to really connect, hold space, teach and be taught, sitting with people often sharing intimate conversations that are often hard to find the time for, but are absolutely necessary for mental health and well-being. When I’m not doing this, I’m able to spend time on my own pursuits which include yoga, ukulele, psychedelic/meditation emotional balancing and processing, writing, helping people be brighter versions of themselves, dancing, language acquisition, loving without bias, and in general exploring more of what makes life so unique, wonderful and invigorating to be a part of. All of this makes me buzz with meaning and purpose and makes me even more present for myself and others. Everything feels like it builds off each other contributing to every other avenue of my life making me constantly more aware, connected, energized. It is a wonderful feeling.
The community in friends’ places, parks, nature, coffee shops, waiting rooms, etc. has turned into my office, my gym, my theatre, my classroom, my stage, my church. I can stop anywhere and do what I more feel I’m supposed to do in this lifetime. Yes, I need money but money seems to somehow come in odd jobs and weird places and unique opportunities. You always think you’re going to not have enough when you’re in settled ‘paradigm living’ world as you imagine other realities of having nothing being hard or impossible, but when you have nothing it takes a lot less time in making money to pay for it. In fact, relative to my expenses of what I had when I was living settled and working, I actually have more money now than I did before. The ‘mobile-gig’ economy is a gift that just keeps giving. I wish I hadn’t had so much fear before to jump into what I intuitively knew would make me happy and what I wanted to try. No one else was doing it around me so I felt it couldn’t be done. If you truly believe in a lifestyle and it defines you, partaking in it will be enough. The universe will mostly provide you with opportunities and what you need along with your natural effort and authentic pursuit. The rest just comes…
I have more energetic space for things than I had before with having minimal physical objects that I possess. The release that comes from getting rid of things seems to be a high similar to (ironically enough) that of hoarding, but more expansive and long lasting and freedom based than hoarding which seems to be more in line with a short term dopamine rush, fear based/material possession, consuming high verse a release, let go, create-more-space high. Objects hold energy and it is very apparent they can create blockages and cut into the finite resource of your overall space/time energy of what you are giving power and holding onto. This has also directly had an effect on my mental state in the same way. When I’ve released physical objects, all memories, thoughts, feelings, emotions basically go with them, or they morph into something else and are allowed to take on different meanings. They are not around anymore to remind me of whatever I’ve been hanging onto. The past reality changes and it makes me wonder what is really true from the past vs just what we make true in our minds? Does it even matter if something is ‘true’ or not and dwelling in the past suddenly doesn’t make much sense. All of this together has created a much more focused state of experiencing and being in my present place and time, which has had outstanding health benefits for me. Being in the present creates less anxiety, stress, depression, addiction. I judge myself less about what has all transpired. It also helps me with anxiety about the future as suddenly I realize that the future will eventually become the past and if the past seems made up in our minds then so does the future. I have less expectations about what it all means and what I’m supposed to do or accomplish. I’ve become better at just ‘being.’ I’m breathing in and experiencing each day with the present, and the future will come regardless of however I feel. Everything passes and I’ve learned to accept that more. My intuitive energy will guide me to pay attention to the signs and symbols of what the universe lays before me. I honor and respect that space. I talk with the universe often and recognize that communication is occurring through my intuitive body felt feeling sense and in my dreams. I’m learning how to allow it and go with it more. I’m learning how to not get stuck in absolutist black and white worlds, right or wrong thinking. I’m just letting go and accepting and doing the best I can; trying to be honest and communicate and realize that nothing really matters accept attempting to align your expansion with others and standing for the light while allowing the dark.
The ups of living in this way for me motivate me beyond all measure. The investment in time has immeasurable benefits and now instead of just saying to others that it’s valuable and that I should live in a certain way, I’m actually living and feeling it, and it is WAY more outrageously positive and life fulfilling than I ever imagined. I’m looking forward to my life in a way I never have before. I feel like I was re-born into a different world. Whereas before, routine led to a bitterness, dread, and resentment that inevitably came, but now I can pop out of my routines and expand my mind and be in control of these neurotic states that I have the power to switch up. My creative and learning energy is flourishing. I have choice and freedom to live and can dedicate my life more to what I find meaningful and that positivity builds naturally upon itself. This lifestyle for me is more about maintaining my mental health than probably anything else. I’ve finally stopped judging myself that I should or shouldn’t be living a certain way. Depression mindsets have largely ceased, or at least don’t have motivation now to continue longer than moments at a time.
As far as for the downs, of course there are downs! There is Ying and Yang in the universe. There is push and pull, and everything seems to have its opposite and equal reactions. Everything is relative to whatever it is you’re experiencing. Everything can seem routine at some point. At moments the same mentalities of routine and bitterness and fear occur but with my mental wellness emotional balancing strategies of psychedelic use, meditation, dancing, music and language acquisition, standing for unconditional love, etc. those things more quickly exit out or fade away into their allowed crevices and places within my body. I still love them as a parent loves a child but there are agreed upon boundaries and with catering to my wellness strategies they are not allowed to dictate.
The specific downs I’ve come across while living in this lifestyle include a minor stress associated with finding a place to stay. You can only jump around to friends for so long. It is hard to be purely nomadic and friends and family want their own space eventually. I’m in the process of looking for a super small light weight trailer that has the amenities of a bath, toilet, table, shower. A place I can actually go to that is my own if I needed to! However, there is all sorts of free or cheap living arrangements all across the country and world in farms, meditation/retreat centers, volunteer woofing, work/trade, and so much more. I’m looking to live for some of the year in Mexico where it is amazingly cheap to live as well.
Another down is the ability to be in the physical space of intimate relationships as I am not physically in one spot for more than what seems to about 3 to 4 months. Not that abiding by the relationship standards of the past were something that were ultimately good for me but I have a memory and expectation that I should be in them or I am missing out on ‘true’ love. Maintaining more long term, intimate partnerships I have had has been tricky, as attempting to live in the present when you’re not around someone who isn’t present is a little ironic. How do I cater to being present in my own life while maintaining a connection with someone who isn’t present for much of the time given my nomadic lifestyle? When I started this pursuit, I committed to and accepted the idea that love and relationships would have to look different for me. I was excited for this change as in the past I didn’t think I was setting myself up for success with the more settled lifestyle and intimate relationships I was trying to cater to. With all of this being said, this is not something terribly unique to my life. Every human is going through a process of finding success in love and similar avenues in their life. I don’t think it’s really any easier in whatever type of situation you find yourself in to have success with intimate love and connection. We’re all trying out best. I keep believing that whatever works for me in my life will just come about and work for me. I’ll come into alignment with love in how it best fits. I have a trust in the universe now more than ever.
There is at times, though, a deep sadness that looms that I can’t fulfill the perfect settled love existence of what someone else desires; catering to and thinking that intimate love and connection is all you need and everything else falls into place. Perhaps this is just old trauma wounds coming out in me in regard to this subject. I know I give these old wounds power as there is no ‘right’ way to love, only ‘agreed’ upon ways of loving and being in connection with someone. I actually tend to believe the opposite is true for me in terms of love with another. Love is not all you need and not like that in a romantic comedy, or fairy tale, or abiding by Romeo and Juliet fantasies of love. There is no possession but rather a raw, primal connection that just flows to mostly expansive, fun, adventurous places. There is a deep, healthy, regenerative motivation to be with a partner and cater to the honesty and communication that is needed to be with them in the light and dark.
In the end, everyone deserve raw, passionate, awesome, expansive, empowered love and I fall into trouble at times losing myself in others just wanting them to be happy and supplying it for them. I’m learning how to still do this but with more honesty and communication and with those who can reciprocate. I am just this way and I don’t want to filter this and not love, as there is no way I won’t love absolutely strongly, authentically, and purposely in my life. Instead of catering to love with another first and foremost, I now believe when everything falls into place for myself and I feel healthy with what I’m doing and catering to high levels of self-love and self-nurturance, then love and connection comes with those who are in alignment. Nothing can be forced but only allowed. For the most part, if we have enough experience behind us, one knows when something feels right and when something is or isn’t expansive. One eventually learns that change is inevitable. It is all the spectrum of emotions of sad, happy, angry, bitter, jealous, joyful, etc. You can’t control these things and we freak out and often hang on with an eagles grip to what we try to control but ultimately can’t. I am doing better at accepting change and allowing life and the universe to just be lived through me. There will always be old paradigms I judge myself on but I don’t have to give them power and rather just accept myself in my ‘being’ state. I am fully capable of self-love. I am enough and I can rely on that vs that of whatever else someone has that I’m lacking. That someone else can expand with me but we are not in control of each other and co-dependent for the most part. We’ll see how this goes! Maybe the secret of love will eventually be unlocked. Ha! Sounds like an utopian outcome but can you imagine what kind of weird, unintended consequences or dystopian society might result from that?!?!
There are moments when I think about my inability to think about the future anymore as a downside to this minimalist lifestyle despite its focus it has for me on the present. I ultimately do see it is a positive but at moments I know my inability to think about more than a month or two into the future is very limiting to myself or those around me. I go into a freeze trauma state of sorts. All thinking ceases and it’s like the universe is putting a halt on me. I become overstimulated and insanely stressed when I get to too much of thinking about the future and what I ‘should’ be doing. Expectations drain and kill me. The negative it brings up for me is that perhaps it makes me feel I can’t participate in future plans with people. Loosely yes, but more detail oriented, no, and I’d just be lying to myself and others if I did promise or plan most things. I feel a lack in this way with intimate love and connection situations, but I know this is just something I’m putting on myself perhaps and doesn’t really mean what I think it does. People mostly want to know about their lives, they want it planned out whether it be for love, money, jobs, vacations, etc. I have absolutely gone in the opposite direction with all of this because when I plan more than loosely it feels like trauma resurfacing when I go into those mental states. I want to relate to people and do and be things for them on their level, but I can’t do it like I used to or I’ll end up in super depressed, depleted, burned out states. In the end, I am how I am and rather than it being a drawback it is a learned detail about myself. Ultimately, I am very happy despite such downs.
Sometimes having too much freedom can have its drawbacks. There are an infinite amount of options and paths to go in. I used to never know what to do in regard to this and would often do nothing as I would become so overwhelmed and overstimulated and then just have anxiety and numbing depression. The grass is always greener! Fear of missing out! I’m not good enough! I want to be the end product of all my dreams and fantasies but then I’ll just want to be different end products of a never-ending list of dreams and fantasies. These are VERY REAL neurotic psychological conditions but when followed out of insecurity or fear they are infinite wormholes that lead to just more of the same. The path of confidence and acceptance of a life trajectory comes in the journey of partaking in these paths, not in any results. With less social media use and with continually doing breathwork and sitting in meditation spaces and nurturing myself and focusing on seeing these mental thoughts as just thoughts and not defining of my life or anything of larger meaning or significance, but rather, just a small part of a much larger whole that makes me, they have lessened their grip and anxiety on me. The larger container and picture has emerged and the paths to follow have just created themselves. One can either be crippled by absolute freedom or they can intuitively have faith in what they choose is chosen for a reason and then adjustments can be made at any time. The right feelings and life will emerge if patience, persistence, authenticity is applied.
Up and onwards to a ‘less is more’ lifestyle. Minimalism or bust! Where do I go from here or is this where I just end up, doing different versions of it? I wonder how long it will last as change is inevitable and new intuitions emerge and each present moment is a new reality, a new opportunity to follow an innate path of some larger meaning we try to continuingly navigate towards.