5/18…..A Life For Witnessing
—-How do we increase our skills for WITNESSING our lives. It is very powerful for me to think that I am just watching myself at moments. It makes it funny. It makes me take more interest in my life. Weird how if I was watching my life I would be entertained and want to tune in more in general. Maybe this is a product of the millennial video game generation. Our lives are somehow more interesting if we were “playing” them in a game or on a screen! Only with the presence of absolutely no screens and connection does the feeling return of being content with being the one playing out their “life game” on the screen. Hmm, how did this happen? Ahhhh humans…
3/18…..Journeying with Meditation
—–“I think, therefore, I am” has amazing intellectual roots in enlightenment but it can easily turn into “I think, therefore, I am entitled” or “I think, therefore, it is true.” We have to come up with something new for what to do with our thoughts, otherwise, we’ll hit a glass ceiling of advancement and our thoughts will be stuck in loops and never ending. Our anxieties and impatience never ending. Our depressions and judgments will turn into talons gripping onto our sense of self. You can’t think your way out of these things. If you ignore them they fester and ooze out more and more as time passes. This is when being present in the body and paying attention to the breath can offer a solution. It creates such psychological calm to just be breathing, to have to worry about nothing else for a minute, to give yourself a reset of even a few minutes of what you put on yourself each day.
As I venture back into my mind, I don’t try to fix anything. I don’t try to figure anything out. I don’t try to find solutions. I don’t pay attention to what is right or wrong. I don’t pay attention to what I want or how I’ve been wronged or what needs to be done or who is right. I just observe what comes up and that simple act instantly deflates negative thoughts. It brings about connection and calm to others when we get over ourselves and let go. I move away from judgement and expectations about my life and allow them to flow through me and they actually pass. I am perfect in this existence. I am perfect in this breath and in my body. I am perfect and in love with myself and what I’ve done. I don’t have to cater to expectations and pressures and judgements. I can actually cater to self-love and confidence where I don’t worry about not doing enough, not loving enough, not “accomplishing the important things” in life. All these negative neurotic thoughts define what I need to work on and how I need to be interacting better with myself and those around me. They are all little parts of me that do not come close to defining me overall…
2/18…..Practicing Self Love
—–Everything is a reflection of how you treat yourself. Give yourself the love and attention that you have not learned how to give yourself up to this point. Love your own heart.
One of the biggest manifestations of violence that we can see in the world is actually the silent violence we give to ourselves, the internal dialog, the things we tell ourselves. So sit down, take the time to clear your mind and connect with your breath and actually really hug yourself and relentlessly tell yourself “I love you, I love you”. Recognize all this yearning shadow as your inner child looking for your attention, longing for your attention, just wanting to be loved. Embrace yourself completely and radically accept you as you are, “I love you, I love you”, keep repeating, “I love you”.
Self-love starts with something crucial. It begins with a radical acceptance of who you are. Completely, with all your shadow, with all the aspects that you do not want to show to anyone, with all our addictions and dysfunctionalities, with everything, all the things that we don’t like to project, all the things that we reject about ourselves, all the things that we feel ashamed of showing.
If you recognize that love is what you are seeking in the core of your life experience, then declare your only interest to shift your point of awareness from abiding in the mind to abiding in the heart. Any time you find yourself feeling in a way that feels uncomfortable to you, instead of thinking about what you think it represents, just simply bring your attention to the heart and be interested in feeling what you are feeling and not thinking about it. The more times you simply bring attention into the heart, just to feel your experience and not think about it, the more your body will actually open up
1/18…..A Love Interpretation
—–There is a yearning for stimulation. The life wave comes from these still waters. Water reaches its full potential to move towards energy. It starts forming itself with other waves. The unity is wondrous. It bounces off the sea cliff beneath it or gets swirled around in wind. The perfect unity creates power. It creates buildup. It creates a peak in energy. It creates a unity of waves. They work together. Nothing can be better. Creating a wave is one of nature’s simplest gifts. There is a love dance. All entities are engaged, fully absorbing of how to become better. Expansion is obvious. Rising ever higher to something that not even the waves know but they keep working together nonetheless. You don’t question it. You fully absorb this magnificent creation. You fully embrace it. You don’t let anything stand in the way of the march towards an obvious, elusive goal. It is energy intensive. The stillness and focus from before this stage gives you strength. You push forth and seem to understand the reason and need for existence. It is this feeling. It is catering to this obvious flow, this obvious push. How could it be any other way? Was it ever any other way? This is a high beyond highs.
Love is created to fulfil nature and the collective consciousness. It is created to make life go on. Even though we experience it, it is not created solely for you. You are a small part of it to feel it in surges at times. Feel the surge and totally absorb it but don’t get stuck on it. Don’t get stuck on the peak wave. It is just as crucial to yearn for creating the stillness, for the creating the opposite of those surge love moments, as those are just as much a part of love as the peak wave. Allow others to find love because it is your love. Single felt love contributes to the greater love. Allow the grip of peak love to be let go of. Allow the jealousies of your own stimulated love to be let go of. Allow the body stimulations to be let go. It will come your way at various moments again and then it will be gone as your turn is up and nature needs you to perform another role in the love cycle. Others will experience your love. Others will experience the love of someone you loved. The cycle of love keeps creating itself. It is ever manifesting. Limiting others in love is limiting yourself in love. Get beyond the glass ceiling and truly expand…
—–The biggest feeling of dread came from having all my pictures and videos gone from my day. I had been posting on all the social networks of Snapchat, Facebook, and Instagram what I was doing, where I had been, and what I was processing. I suddenly felt like nobody would care because they wouldn’t see a blip in their feed. I suddenly actually felt alone and like I hadn’t accomplished anything. I suddenly felt stupid for admitting to myself that I was feeling these things. How was I to go about my life without proving to others what I had done and what was important to me? It was an awkward moment and here I am descending this wonderful mountain in an utterly beautiful setting while suddenly feeling like what I was doing didn’t matter if it’s not expressed through tech.
We think we have these routines and we think we are defined by our bodies, our tech in our phones and social networking, but just like that it could change and we are left with a non-physically capable version of our isolated from tech selves. There really is no right or wrong for following linear positive energy streams that are easy to navigate. How can you really blame ourselves for doing that and wanting and believing in correct paths or answers, or in taking the path of least resistance? If anything, we are a cluster-fuck of energy going in all sorts of directions that have nothing to do with whether we are accepted or judged or however we are presenting ourselves as “living.” How are we really different from the man who is homeless sleeping in the street vs the Buddhist in the mountains vs our avatar on social networking…
—-It takes actions and little steps of moving forward to live your truths to actually create new levels of healthy routines, thoughts, perspectives, brain neurons, etc. And then of course, there is the idea that we will never be free or rid of the process of expanding. It will perpetually be in motion and growth is often an uncomfortable experience. We suffer without perspective as we can’t really see where that growth is moving towards yet. It takes time and patience before we start to get some perspective for our suffering and then at that point it’s off to the races and re-birth is something we can see and feel. However, even with re-birth, it is just a temporary stop in the repeating cycle. We won’t get to some magical place and then sit down and say, “Well, we made it” enough expansion for me and glad that’s over. When you’re on the right path there will be moments of extreme accomplishment and seeing/feeling that, but then it becomes relative and you continue to move forward to the next growth. There is no magic pill, magic place, magic partner, magic job, magic food, magic workout routine that will relieve us forever. We will constantly go in cycles of angst, suffering, hating life, perseverance, trust in the process, rebirth, flourishing and then various cycles of that all over again. It is a marathon race of constant movement. It’s a lifestyle approach and when your habits and thoughts take on this reality, and dips and spikes are all balanced out and work off of each other and seen as leading to eventual growth, you are nicer to yourself.
—-It’s not necessarily going against our brain that is the solution but in giving our brain back it’s freedom. It’s finding some sort of enduring energy pathway that will deliver us from a river of narrow thought that usually dries up in some desert somewhere to instead delivering us to the expansive ocean of experience.
It is interesting to observe what happens to our bodies when we encounter fear. We emotionally and physically become inflamed. If we go to the doctor we are prescribed a cure. If we don’t then we apply our own cure. Both usually involve short term numbing of the pain. The numbing makes it easy to continue to participate in doing things we’ve always done; watching tv, drinking or using drugs to oblivion, scrolling through facebook or tinder, having jobs or relationships that don’t serve us, having the same conversations you know the outcomes to, having the same friends you’ve always had, relying on safety and security and comfort over vulnerability, not growing overall, etc.
—-Why can’t we be tougher, more resilient and determined in our work so we can accomplish all of our goals? The problem is partly that we often put too much on our plate for our goals. We say ‘yes’ way too much. We expect an unrealistic amount of accomplishment from ourselves (an expectation that we would in no way hold for others) and are constantly distracted from social networking and technology to move and take on the next thing from the infinite source of information (The average person engages with their phone 150 times a day. If every distraction took only 1 minute, which would be seriously optimistic, that would account for 2.5 hours of every day). However, what is even more at play than our distracted lives and busy schedules is a misunderstanding of what it means to be tough, resilient, and overworked.
We often sacrifice sleep, eating well, love, etc. in the name of productivity, but ironically with our loss of such things, despite the extra hours we spend ‘working’, adds up to lots of inefficient, stressful, and wasteful hours. And just because work stops, doesn’t mean we are recovering. We very often ‘stop’ work but then spend the night wrestling with solutions to work problems, talking about our work over dinner, and falling asleep thinking about how much work we’ll do tomorrow (and by the way, ‘work’ can mean anything that’s causing one stress and anxiety and where one’s mind doesn’t ever leave from).
A resilient and tough person is a well-rested one. When an exhausted individual goes out into their day they risk hurting everyone on the road with impaired driving, they don’t have the cognitive resources to do as well at their jobs, they have lower self-control with friends and family, they are moody, bitter and less capable of love, affection, and connection. Overworking and exhaustion is a romanticized notion that you are actually doing a good job. In reality, most of us don’t have to do this to ourselves to survive and is the opposite of resilience and what I like to call ‘stupid tough.’ The key to resilience is trying really hard, then stopping, recovering, and then trying really hard again…
—-…It is interesting to ask the question of not what will make us happy but what struggle will give us extra motivation. Life can be a hodge-podge of things we attach meaning to, dreams gone astray, or change and loss being inevitable parts of our existence. It’s often hard to find the motivation for things but when you grow from struggle and actually realize you might have enjoyed that process then that’s where you really found a true passion.
—-So what is mindfulness? The wonderful easy summation is the awareness of the present experience with acceptance. It is being aware, paying attention, and remembering to be aware and to pay attention. We need to develop the intention to pay attention as much as possible and to focus on being non-judgmental (most importantly to ourselves) and totally present and accepting.