8/19…Bear Attack, Bear Energy

—-My body stiffened as I woke up to an astounding presence. The big huff and puff of a bear was at my head with only a single man, bug-mesh covered tent and rain cover between us. How many bears were there? What am I gonna do? Oh my god, I have trail mix in here. What am I gonna do? Do I go outside the tent? Am I really going to face a bear/s in the middle of the night? Then what? What if they aren’t messing with me right now because I’m in the tent? If they do attack me in the tent do I just start flailing my legs all around until I can somehow figure out how to get out of the tent? Is it better to stay in the tent or go outside the tent? It’s the middle of the night? Am I going to be running from bears in the middle of the night outside my tent? I think they will win? I think they will win in whatever situation arises. I am at their mercy.

Oh my god, they’re on my car. What is that pop? Is my car just the next crazy YouTube bear attack video online? Am I the next random man killed by a bear story that people casually bring up at the grocery store?

It is getting light and having my eyesight is a strength to my human container. I hit the car alarm many times in a row as I move to get ready to unzip my tent. This gives me strength and I feel like I can move without notice in that noise chaos. It’s my only strength to flood the zone with stimulation with a bear who has all too superior senses to that of a human. I hit the car alarm another time halfway expecting that I may need to use the car or this nearby tree as an obstacle to keep between the bear and myself if it chooses to come after me. All of my athletic, fast twitch muscles are ready to spring into evasive maneuvers at any moment. Survival hormones are flooding…


1/19…Learning and Brain Resistance.  How to Find Peace in the Mind for Concentration and Learning.  Repetitious Muscle Memory Learning with Ukulele VS Faith Based, Soul Learning and Personality Transition with Spanish Acquisition.

—-To really absorb learning, one has to dive into their soul and have awareness for how they actually are. How do they respond when their brain resists so vehemently?  What situations, people, environments deplete them and what do they need to do to be in better states of health to absorb that which makes them expand and grow?

One has to learn how to learn learning in order to really be able to learn efficiently and expansively and not have it be overall depleting or resentment building.  Those feelings will always creep up on you and win, and crush everything you’re doing.

At the end of a few weeks, with 15-30 minutes of this brain, muscle memory practice a day, you know how to play a song.  As you play the song in full it is extraordinarily fun and rewarding.  Soon you can’t remember how it was that you didn’t know it.  Slowly, gratitude for having learned can diminish, as now you know, so what’s the difference in the here and now?  It’s a part of you and you move on.  The difficult process starts all over again and you sort of hate it and love it. It’s always been funny to me how much the brain RESISTS to learn.  It is really this strange combination of a stubborn child throwing a tantrum simply because they have to do something, and an overprotective parent who would rather their child lead a boring and unstimulating life because safety is priority number one.  Your brain resists at every second, screaming at you, “You’re doing something wrong! This is not how we learned!”  To bypass such situations with the brain, one just commits to the process.  The process of what one wanted before they started to learn something new and the screaming occurred.  Repetition is the most important thing as this is the only defense against the overbearing, unlearning mind.  Even if it’s only 5 to 10 minutes a day.  The repetition is you communicating with your brain that this is the new ‘right’ and a retraining of the muscle is in order.  The brain and mind does not control you and it’s important to not let it do so or else you will be stuck in perpetual loop cycles of acting the same in every way in your life forever…


12/18…Getting Robbed in Mexico.  Darkness Leading to Light and How the Universe Talks to Us

—-“Twas the night before Xmas, when all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse; the stockings were hung by the chimney with care, in the hopes that St. Nicholas would soon be there; the children were nestled all snug in their beds, while visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads…”

Christmas is a wonderful time of year for those that have.  It is very easily a miserably depressing time of year for those who have not. The lines above from the famous poem, “The Night Before Xmas” exemplify this pressure.  Children lay asleep in their beds dreaming of sugar plums and other fancy things and that someone will magically fill their stockings and deliver them gifts.  We make our children and our society believe in this mirage, to believe that at an early age presents and gifts and materialism defines love, defines your sense of self-worth, defines your sense of want, defines your sense of family, and as the gift that never stops giving, defines your sense as an adult to keep pursuing “things” that will dictate your happiness levels.  Largely overall, this is the message that is left as an imprint with how we mostly celebrate Christmas.


8/16…Attuned to Being a Feminist Man

—-We live in a largely misogynist American culture and world that very commonly hates, distrusts, harasses, and looks at women as objects. Sadly, social norms cater to these views and many men impose such views often very directly and aggressively, and women who are trained in such ways as well by the misogynist norms, can impose them with equal effectiveness passively. How are we to know what to do about this with no education, no leadership, no vulnerability, no reaction, no conversation? Left to our own devices we will most often not end up as attuned feminist adults, even though we may think we are. How do we know how to name it when it happens and how do we know how to talk to people about it in ways that won’t cater to backlash when it comes up?

Becoming attuned to be a feminist man starts with other men and how they relate to each other. For men, a good place to start is eye contact. Men easily cater to communicating with one another mediated through a ‘man box.’ This involves barely making eye contact and when they do it is a brief sideline contact with the rest of the body in a flight-or-fight mode. This makes the eyes and body language say, ‘I’m really not connecting, I’m really not vulnerable, I’m really not fully here.’ Men don’t want to be seen looking, they don’t want to be exposed for caring. Their brains are leading them to a place that caters to the easiest way out. Men have been trained to do this.

What do women really want and need? They need help in repairing the harm of misogyny and don’t want to be stigmatized. Be the man that can give them a different kind of experience than the men who have harmed them. If this is difficult then go forth and take on that inner work. Own and recognized where gaps might be occurring and how your own approaches to social norms and ego and sexual/relationship power dynamics might be involved. As a man, make it clear that this issue overall is yours and many men’s responsibility to work on and not a failing problem in women or ‘others’ in general.


2/16…Linear thinking vs Stan Grof, Holotropic Breathwork and Inducing Psychedelic States 

—-…our consciousness is not from our brain. There is no observable evidence that explains even why or how or if even in fact our own consciousness exists. It is a part of the universe that is flowing through the brain and providing us with a vision of how the universe is developing and also showcasing that the universe is happening just as much within us internally. The ordinary state brain is an incredible reducing valve, far from giving us a full dimension of being…

2/16…Trauma, Transcendence, and the Birth Prenatal Matrix

—-…How do we get ourselves to a place where our suffering comes with a hint of perspective that can lead us to re-birth and transcended into a new being moving on from things that held us back before? The source of trauma can be long lived and have its effects on us forever until once again we are forced into another realm with death. Do we really want to wait that long? To be forced yet again by an unknown hand or mother to move on to the next world? That is not the only option. We can have more control than we think…